Tuff Juice by Butler Caron & Steve Springer

Author:Butler, Caron & Steve Springer
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781493023820
Publisher: Lyons Press (R&L)

Just before I went into The Hole, I had received some jarring news from my mother. I had a daughter, Camary, born that day in Racine.

The news wasn’t unexpected, but it hit me hard, feelings of joy, guilt, shame washing over me, giving me plenty to think about for the rest of my time in Ethan Allen and beyond.

I grew up without a father in my life. Most of the men in my family had kids. They were dads, but they weren’t fathers. They couldn’t be there for their children because they were in and out of correctional facilities. I wanted to embrace fatherhood. To do so, I knew I had to take life more seriously.

The next time my mother visited me, after I got out of The Hole, she brought me a picture. “This is your daughter,” she said.

I had heard that the mother, Danisha Harrington, was pregnant, and after a blood test, it was confirmed that I was the father. My mother used to get condoms for me from Planned Parenthood, but I didn’t use one that time.

Danisha and I were childhood friends. We’d known each other almost our whole lives.

Once it was established that Camary was indeed my daughter, law enforcement officials tried to charge me with non-consensual sex. We were both kids. I was fifteen and Danisha was fourteen at the time she got pregnant. I was put in a police transport van and driven back to Racine for a court appearance.

The day they took me, Uncle Carlos was on the front page of the local paper after he was caught in the raid in Aunt Tina’s basement where Junebug’s drugs were found.

One of the police officers in the front of the van yelled back at me, “Hey Butler, you related to this other Butler guy?”

“What?”

He held up the newspaper. I had to stretch to see it because I was shackled. I looked at the name and said, “Oh shit.”

Uncle Carlos and I were both downtown in the courthouse at the same time. My grandmother bounced back and forth between the two courtrooms to see both of us.

As it turned out, no charges were filed against me. Uncle Carlos was not so lucky.

When he went to prison, I was still in Ethan Allen. He wrote me letters, reminding me of the lectures he had given me when we were both on the streets. Despite all his warnings to me, we were now both behind bars.

While my mom was not happy I was having a baby when I myself was so young, she went to the hospital to see the newborn Camary and took care of my daughter when Danisha went to work. Camary spent a lot of time at our house growing up thanks to my mom, who was always there for her when I couldn’t be.

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